


Don't Say It's Too Late

by 185cmbaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pool & Billiards, Pool Table Sex, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 23:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17171600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun
Summary: Jongin is leaving tomorrow. Sehun doesn't know how he is supposed to live for the next two years with his best friend living across the globe.One last game of Billiards, like they tend to play every weekend at Jongin's, might change everything.





	Don't Say It's Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how to play billiards 🤙🏽😜

 

 

As night falls, the blue haze of day lifts to reveal the stars circling around the grand rooftop, and the watch hung around Sehun's wrist feels heavier by the minute. He can't help the uneasiness to take a peek at the hour every five minutes. The clock reads almost 11, close to opening way to a new date. 

 

It's Jongin's last night in Seoul. 

 

Gathered at the rooftop, surrounding the pool table and chugging down cheap bear as soft, low music plays in the background through the radio, they're supposed to be celebrating. This is supposed to be Jongin's goodbye party. 

 

However, celebrating isn't in the list of Sehun's preferences tonight. The more the warmth of the wind sweeping around the night sky prickles Sehun's skin, the more it reminds him that soon, the wind will also take Jongin away from him to the other side of the globe. 

 

Next weekend, they won't be meeting up at this same rooftop, to play this same billiards game and get drunk and stoned. Jongin will probably be having a blast with his new American cooler friends.

 

Whilst Sehun will be longing.

 

As a friend, he's happy for Jongin. Immensely proud of his achievement, hopefully the first of many. Still, Sehun has always been a little selfish when it comes to his friends, and now he doesn't know how to mask his sadness upon the proximity of Jongin's departure. 

 

“Shit!” Chanyeol curses loudly, his deep voice cutting through Sehun's inner crisis and divesting his attention back to the game.

 

Chanyeol's shot had gone wide, and his targeted ball bounces against the edge of the table and rolls back. “I thought I had that!”

 

The tallest of the group frowns, stepping away from the table, dragging his stick against the ground.

 

“It's you turn, Jongin.” He alarms, ecstatically “I sincerely hope you miss this shot.” 

 

Sehun scoffs, not moved by Chanyeol's indelicacy in the slightest.

 

“Guys, Chanyeol is already getting too competitive and whiny. Just let him win for once.” Baekhyun quips from the far corner,    facing a bullseye board, dart wound in hand and ready to fly. His throw is too hard and fast, missing the board by inches, sticking instead into the wall. 

  
  


Next to him, Chanyeol grunts resignedly “Hey, how can you call me competitive when Sehun is right here?” 

  
  


“The title is yours tonight. Sehun's way too distracted.” This time, Baekhyun throws his dart more softly, it hits the board, but low below the center. He huffs out a breath.

 

Sehun chugs down his beer before cooking an eyebrow at Baekhyun. “I'm focusing on the game.”

 

“You're focusing on Jongin's ass.”

 

Air gets jammed in Sehun's lungs and he chokes at the statement. That is not even remotely true, he's about to object, face heating up, when Jongin passes past him absentmindedly and says.

 

“Watch this instead, Hunnie.” 

 

Jongin leans over the table and lines up his shot, pulls the pool cue back and breathes out as he pushes the cue forward. Varnished wood slides smoothly between his fingers, hitting the white cue ball with a crack. The cue ball spins dizzily and slowly across the emerald felt to tap the target ever so slightly. Just the precise pressure to pocket the ball.

 

Others scatter and two solid colored balls flee the field, dropping neatly into pockets. He lines up his next shot, pool stick hits cue ball, and another ball drops into a corner pocket.

 

It goes that way until he sinks every single ball on the table, including the eight ball left in the corner.

 

Sehun hangs his mouth agape.

 

“Woah! Amazing!”

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun cheer in unison, their shootings echoing through the rooftop circled by the province's flickering domestic lights.

 

“I bet all the white chicks will swoon over you when they watch your billiards skills. You look really sexy with your body all spread out like that.” 

 

Baekhyun mimics Jongin's previous posture, resting his palms onto the pool table and jutting out his butt exponentially. Jongin giggles, timidly.

 

“Imagine all the sex you'll be having in America.” Chanyeol chimes, wiggling his brows.

 

Something stirs inside Sehun's stomach, and he swallows down the sour taste that develops in his tongue. 

 

Jongin shrinks his shoulders, blushing “Hyung!” He protests, a hand cupping one side of his flushed face. 

 

“Let’s go for another round. You didn't even let me play.” Sehun suggests in a disgruntled tone while he twists chalk over his cue.

 

He doesn't need to hear about Jongin's future sex achievements in the USA. He can't even put himself to think about it for some reason.

 

The people there will probably throw themselves at Jongin's feet, seeing that his type is rare for westerns. And it just feels like claws are slashing through Sehun's skin. He hates it.

 

“Okay. Last one though. Jongin has an early flight tomorrow.” Reminds Baekhyun, and Sehun's anger abruptly morphs into sorrow. He hates that too. 

 

“You start, Sehunnie.”    

 

Chanyeol then coaches, and backs up a couple steps to lean against the wall next to the rack of cue sticks, arms crossed over his chest.

 

Sehun nods, back in the groove of a winning momentum. He hits the cue ball just a fraction too low but the spin looks alright. He manages to sink a few times with not much effort as he feels the heaviness of three pairs of eyes watching him studiously.

 

“Show off,” Baekhyun leers, before leaning  near the edge of the table. 

 

He feels one corner of his mouth lift as he continues to sink balls with a ruthless efficiency. That is, until his eyes involuntarily flit to Jongin, and he finds him staring with unreadable and intense eyes, that make Sehun's brain malfunction on the spot. 

 

Sehun feels his mouth drying as Jongin flashes a grin at him before stalking around the table to study the ball's position and possible angles to strike, a ruthless predatory look on his face.

 

“Look at me instead, I'm right here.” He says, grinning, in an attempt to distract Sehun.

 

The stick is pushed haphazardly with a solid thunk, and the cue ball teeters at the precipice before stilling without hitting a target.

 

“Fuck,” Sehun realizes his hands are clammy and shaking. Jongin laughs, taunting him. 

 

“I totally got this.” Chanyeol exclaims, rubbing his palms together. “I must win this one tonight. It's our last game with Jongin.”

 

There it comes again. The crushing feeling crawling inside Sehun's heart. The words Last and Jongin just shouldn't be combined in a sentence. 

 

“Guys, my parents are renting the house, but so far we haven't heard from anyone interested. The house will be empty for a while, you can keep coming here to play.” 

 

Jongin says, lightly stabbing the floor with his stick. Around, most of the houses are starting to turn off their lights to welcome sleep and dispatch the night.

 

“No, not without you.” Chanyeol crows as he resumes his position at the table. He shoots, the white ball slamming into the others, scattering across the table and pocketing half a dozen off the break.

 

Sehun spaces out for the rest of the round, though the sound of clattering and chattering lingers distantly in his ears. 

 

He braves a quick glance at Jongin, and his heart falters again. He's realized just a few hours ago. The one who'll be leaving tomorrow is not just his best friend. It's his first love.

 

And he won't ever get the chance to tell him that. It's too late.

 

“Learn with the master,” Chanyeol's brows pull together sharply and his shoulders square as his stance shift, arm shooting forward. The white ball slams into the other balls, scattering across the table and pocketing half a dozen off the break.

 

He quickly pockets the last of the balls before sinking the black eight one in the corner pocket.

 

The game comes to and end as well as Chanyeol's howlering erupts, and he engulfs Baekhyun in an air knocking embrace. The shorter guy tries to shove him off.  

 

“It's time to go, guys. Please, I hate goodbyes.” Jongin says not long after, lips pouting.

 

Eyes down cast, Sehun offers a strained smile as he wedges his way towards Jongin, looping his arms around his shoulders from behind. It's a common position for them, and Sehun thinks he's going to miss this the most. The easy comfort, the shared silence where words aren't needed to communicate. 

 

Jongin slumps into his chest instantly, grabbing his hand to rest it atop his own chest as Sehun leans down to put his chin on Jongin's shoulder. He inhales the sweetness of his friend’s scent, and he knows he'll miss that too. 

 

His scent, his dumb laughter, his whiny voice, his pouty lips and his soft touches.

 

“Come on, we have internet these days to keep in touch.” Baekhyun comments as he approaches them. 

 

“You better not kick me out of the group chat.” Jongin warns playfully, with a finger pointing at Baekhyun.

 

“Of course not. You need to update us on all your hookups. Also, set me up with some white ass.”

 

Jongin pulls a face, ducking his head to hide it under the crook of Sehun's arm.

 

“Ugh, don't talk like that, Hyung.”

 

Baekhyun cackles, landing a slap to his own thigh. No one seems to notice Sehun is fuming, since he hid his face behind Jongin's head. This is all so unfair.

 

“All jokes aside, I'm really proud of you Jonginnie. You're soon to be the world's greatest dancer ever.” Baekhyun asserts while Chanyeol nods frantically. 

 

One of the most prestigious dancing schools offered Jongin a full scholarship to finish his degree in America. He's the embodiment of pride to his group of friends. Sehun coming first on his list of supportive friends.

 

“You make it sound like we’ll never see each other again.” Jongin drawls. “You'll always be my best friends.”

 

There's a crack to his voice and he lowers his head again, this time fighting off tears. Sehun tightens his hold around him as a way of reassurance.

 

“Shut up, you're making me cry.” Chanyeol is close to shed his own tears, so he plunges in and hugs Jongin and Sehun all at once. Baekhyun squeezes himself in soon after, and they become a tangle of limbs towering over Baekhyun.

 

“Please, if you dump me for any American I'll power walk there to kick your ass.” Chanyeol sniffs once they break apart, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his flannel shirt.

 

“Tell us as soon as you land. Also let us know if anyone gives you a hard time.” Baekhyun says, pinching Jongin's cheeks.

 

“What are you even going to do?”

 

“Fuck, I don't know. Swear at their mothers in Korean or something.”

 

They burst into a fit of laughter, though it doesn't sound fully wholehearted.

 

“Anyway. Good luck there.” A last, manlier hug is shared with Jongin, pats on the back and everything. “Sehun, you're not coming?”

 

It's only then that Sehun realizes he's been clinging to Jongin heartily, showing no intention to leave him any time soon. Even as Baekhyun notices it, instead of letting go, he clings further. The lump in his throat feels too large and he can breathe past it.

 

“No, not yet. You can go ahead. I need him to help me with something.” Jongin speaks up for Sehun, saving him from embarrassing himself any further as well as surprising him with his response.

 

Maybe Jongin just knew. Sehun isn't ready just yet.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol shrug evasively, waving their last goodbyes. “Okay,”

 

They accompany their friends to send them off, a couple of more hugs being traded when they're at the door, and once they're gone, the silence hanging between Sehun and Jongin feels a little too heavy for the first time in years of friendship. 

 

Silently, They walk back to the rooftop side by side. When the dark sky looming over them alters to the brightness of the day lights, Jongin will be long gone. If only Sehun could make time stop.

 

“It's late. What do you need me for?” He questions, tight lipped, eyes glazing over to Jongin. He's just standing there, glancing up at the stars with his hands buried in his pockets, a gentle smile splayed on his face.

 

“No idea. I just knew you didn't want to leave just now. I want to spend some more time just the two of us.”

 

There's a guttural pain weighing inside Sehun's chest that ebbs at the sight of Jongin. He looks happy, almost too completely, but there's a part of Sehun that wishes he'd show a little bit of reluctance for leaving him behind.

 

It's stupid. And he knows it.

 

But the fact that he will soon be gone still lingers in his mind, and the pain that sits in his guts flames like a fire burning slow. Yet he can't seem to stop starving for more. It's too late, he realized his feelings for Jongin weren't just for those of a best friend too late.

 

And in this hurricane of his soul, amid the endless winds that scream, he makes no move, for it being useless at this point.

 

“Have you even packed everything?”

 

Jongin sighs as the wind dishevels his hair. “No, not yet.”

 

“I knew it.” He reckons with a smirk.

 

“You seemed so distressed tonight, Sehunnie. I don't like seeing you like this.”

 

Sehun's smirk dies momentarily at the wariness laced in Jongin's voice. And here he thought he had been faking it well.

 

“Well, my best friend is leaving. How am I supposed to feel?”

 

“Happy for me?”

 

Shame creeps up all over Sehun. His feelings, which he can't control, are getting in the way of him being a good friend. And that should be more important than anything else.

 

“I am. Jongin, I'm really happy for you. It's just…” He sighs, miserably. “I'll miss you. I've never lived more than two days without seeing you.”

 

Once, when they were 16, Sehun spent summer at his uncle’s camp, and the hole he felt in his heart thorough all summer only dissipated when he came back home and Jongin covered it for him with his smile. Ever since, every vacation had been spent together. 

 

He should have realized sooner that the way he's been so dependant on Jongin isn't all too healthy. 

 

“I'll still be your friend, you know. We can still text every day. Facetime, and email. Hell, I can even write you letters.”

 

“It won't be the same, though.” Sehun knows he sounds childish and dramatic, but he can't help it. “You still won't be here.”

 

Inside, the ache gnaws at the very heart that beats endlessly for him. He pulls his lips into a smile, and lets out a frightened sob when he realises that anyone could easily mistake this lacklustre grin for real happiness. Except Jongin, apparently.

 

In reality, he's crumbling inside.

 

“It's only for two years. I'm sure you can manage without me.”

 

_ I can't _ . He thinks, but instead of voicing it, he grins, nods. It's for Jongin. It's what he deserves. 

 

It's at that moment that he notices Jongin standing closer, looping an arm over Sehun’s shoulders. Sehun’s hand instinctively comes up to splay across the small of his back, and he feels the smooth expanse of skin under his fingers and the gentle swell of his ass under his pants.

 

Sexual thoughts are also harassing Sehun's mind. Actually, they have always been there, bordering on the realm of real feelings he wasn't ready to admit to. He's simply blamed them on the fact that Jongin is notoriously attractive.

 

“How about a last game? Just you and me?” 

 

Sehun feels his mouth slowly close as Jongin detaches himself from him and flashes a devilish grin, before stalking around the table.

 

“Sounds okay,”

 

Jongin beams at Sehun with such happiness that Sehun has to fight an answering smile.  “What are we betting? Should we do strip billiards?” 

 

“No! Not tonight, please.” That could be dangerous and too revealing. Sehun's emotions are all over the place already to risk it.

 

“You're no fun. We used to play that all the time.” Jongin insists, a hard edge in his voice.

 

“I'm not drunk enough tonight. I don't feel like seeing your ass.” It's the excuse Sehun comes up with.

 

“Fine,” Jongin huffs. “We should think of something cool. I like it when you get all competitive with me.”

 

“How about…” He fixes Jongin with a challenging look, their mood immediately shifting. “The winner gets one wish granted?” 

 

Jongin narrows his eyes for a second, contemplating. If Sehun wins, which he will, he's planning on making Jongin drink pure black coffee. Last time, he literally vomited all over his lap. And Sehun filmed it.

 

“As long as you won't make me run around naked like last time.” Jongin pipes up, and Sehun gasps. That was one time. He’d had too much liquor.

 

“I told you. I don't feel like seeing your ass.”

 

“I'll let you know, my ass looks amazing.” Jongin winks at him, a dimple poking his left cheek as he wanders towards the mini refrigerator to retrieve more cans of beers.

 

“You can't be saying that to me. Have you seen  _ my _ ass?”

 

“All the time,”

 

Sehun’s brows pull together as he sees a quick flash pass over Jongin’s face before he turns away, striding over the pool table.

 

Sehun gulps, urging the butterflies in his belly to stay still. Flirting is not something new between them, it's always been afloat, although never tangible. And hopefully, it should stay like this tonight.

 

Jongin racks the pool balls neatly in place while Sehun gets the cue sticks for each of them. Rock-paper-scissors decides who goes first, and Sehun's rock crushes Jongin's scissors. Jongin grumbles in the glow of Sehun's smirk, but he steps aside nonetheless.

 

“Crap. Looks like I'll have to do some tricks to make you lose. I really need to win this.” Jongin says spitefully, leaning his weight on his cue stick erected in from of him.

 

“No cheating allowed. You're just pressed because you know I'm better than you.”

 

Jongin raises an eyebrow. “You really think so, kid?”

 

“Don't call me kid. We're the same fucking age.”

 

Sehun clicks his tongue and walks to the table, cue stick in hand as he leans over to line up the first shot. His opening shot sends the pool balls bouncing and clacking all over the table, sinking to solid-colors in the far corners. He cheers, Jongin sighs. 

 

Regardless of their soon to be departure, it feels nice. Like countless times before, just the two of them at that rooftop, around the pool table. Laughing, drinking, living. It'll become a good memory to hold on to.

 

A few easy, practiced moves after, has the finished wood gliding over his thumb, fingers a light guide on the stick and the chalked tip crashing into the white ball. The balls scatter across the green felt, but none sinks into the pockets, just bouncing around the edges. 

 

“My turn,” Jongin exclaims excitedly, clutching at his pool cue. 

 

He watches quietly as Jongin leans over the table, wisely choosing a ball close to a pocket. It's an easy shot.

 

Next, the cue ball rolls halfway across the table and instead of going at it from the side, Jongin lines up a shot from the end of the table towards a group of four balls at the other end, having to lean halfway on the table to make the shot.

 

“What are you even doing?” Sehun shakes his head amusedly as his eyes skim over Jongin's long body leant over the table, his thighs spread just slightly and the outlines of his jeans pressing against the small curve of his ass. Sehun has to pop up a can of beer to cool himself down with a long sip.

 

“It's my personal tactic.” Jongin responds before correcting his stance, and he taps the ball in, spinning around happily at his success. 

 

His smile quickly disappears as he realises the remaining little balls are more precariously placed. Jongin taps his finger against his lips as he moves around the table before finally choosing another target. 

 

“I am so going to win this, Sehunnie. You can't back out now.”

 

“Me backing out? Is that what you think of me?” Sehun points a finger at his own chest with his shot before tipping his drink down his throat.

 

Jongin grins before turning back to the table to take his shot, his lower lip pouting as the ball stops agonisingly short of the pocket.

 

“You said that too early, dumbass.”

 

Sehun rounds the table to take aim at the remaining large balls, and as he leans down he catches sight of Jongin across the table from him, perched on the edge, his legs spread slightly on either side of the pool cue.

 

He huffs a breath out through his nose and drops his eyes back to the table, but his concentration is ruined now and his shot skims the edge of the pocket, much to his disappointment.

 

“Well, well, weĺl, looks like you're making it too easy for me.” He hears Jongin muse.

 

Sehun straightens as Jongin comes towards the table, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Jongin squeezes himself between the table and Sehun before bending forward to line up his shot.

 

Sehun lets his eyes wander the length of Jongin's body before lifting his eyes to his and smirking. 

 

“Surprise me, then.” He challenges.

 

“That's the goal.”

 

Smirking, Sehun steps back, enjoying the spectacle of Jongin stretching across the table in front of him to line up his shot again.

 

Just the way that the cue stick slides back and forth makes his mouth go dry, the slim wooden stick sliding between Jongin's fingers,

head hanging down an inch or two above the table.

 

The shot goes wide, the white ball smacking against the edge of the pool table before it lazily rolls across the green pelt, before eventually stopping. “Shit." Jongin complains, one hand on his hips as leans on the long cue stick, frowning heavily.

 

Sehun seizes the opportunity to stealthily move one of the balls to an easier angle close to the pocket. 

 

“Hey, I saw that. Stop cheating.” Jongin  shouts, pointing the stick at him. “Where did you learn that?”

 

Boomer. He got caught.

 

“From You.” He answers, sticking out his tongue at Jongin.

 

“You should do as I say, not as I do.”

 

“I do what I want.” He rasps before striding over to collect the cue from Jongin's hands, even though he had his own. 

 

Sehun eyes the table critically before leaning down and quickly making his shot, pocketing the ball in a side pocket. He adjusts his stance slightly, allowing him to take a long shot directly down the table into the corner pocket.

 

Sehun lines up the shot, the cue tip gently hitting the white ball so that it rolls forward to nudge the ball into the corner pocket.

 

“If you win I'll never get to have my last wish,” Jongin murmurs, the pout still gracing his lips.

 

Sehun goes completely still, cue stick stopping halfway. He wonders, what could Jongin possibly ask of him? For one last time. Probably some kind of silly prank, that Sehun would go through with anyway just to make him laugh.

 

He purposely misses his shot.

 

“I'm getting kinda nervous now.” Jongin draws before necking the last of his drink in a swift motion. 

 

Sehun watches, sitting at the edge of the table, as Jongin takes his remaining shots to completely clear the table before sauntering over, a wide smile on his face, although he notes it doesn't extend quite to his eyes.

 

“Fuck yes!” Jongin screeches happily. “You suck at this.”

 

With a roll of his eyes and a fond grin threatening to spread, he watches as Jongin does a triumphant dance that looks way too sharp and complex for the situation. 

 

“I do not. Just tell me your wish.” Sehun urges, tucking the tip of the cue stick into the loop of Jongin's belt and pulling him in.

 

Jongin slams into him with a gasp, and not even Sehun himself knows how he managed to do such a trick, but it worked. Jongin is there, in between his thighs, staring at him with shocked eyes. 

 

His gaze darts to all over the area, avoiding Sehun's. There's a sudden reluctance coming from him now coupled with the faint roseness rising to his cheeks. 

 

“Promise me you won't laugh?” Jongin asks, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Sehun nods, heartbeat in overdrive.

 

“I want you to kiss me.”

 

There's a pause, with the two of them just staring into each other's eyes. The night seems to unwind to them.

 

“What?” Sehun guffaws. “You mean, like a real kiss? On the mouth?”

 

A small smile creeps across his lips. “Yes. Just one,” he says, shrugging.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I am leaving in a few hours. And… I, um… Maybe I've always wanted to kiss you?” Jongin shifts awkwardly in Sehun's arms, his expression slowly twisting up in dread.

 

“You're saying… That you have these kind of feelings for me?”

 

“No… It's not-” His words falter, and he sighs regretfully. “Fine, forget it.”

 

Jongin tries loosening himself from Sehun's hands, but the latter presses firmly at hips, stilling him in place. 

 

“No, wait. This is serious.” Sehun mutters, granting him a stern look. “How long?”

 

Jongin's mouth opens, ready to formulate a response, then it closes again, refraining from it. He frowns, distraughtly.

 

“Jesus, it's not like I'm in love with your something. Calm down.”

 

_ Oh _ , Sehun breathes as he feels a stab twist in his heart. He thought that maybe, the universe was being kind to him.

 

“You're not?” His voice is weak, small. “Because I am.” He admits then, the harsh beating of his heart heightening.

 

He hears Jongin gasping softly, and he can't bring himself to look at him. Wonderful, he succeeded in ruining his friendship in the nick of time.

 

“Are you sure?” Jongin questions, clutching at Sehun's shirt. “Why haven't you said anything? I thought you liked Lisa.”

 

Sehun lifts his head determinedly, before uttering. “I don't. Not like that. Not like you.”

 

He grants Jongin's wish then, closing the short distance between them and pressing his lips against Jongin's. It takes a moment until the other corresponds, melting into the kiss and looping his arms around Sehun's neck, whimpering into his mouth.

 

Sehun is pretty certain he's dying, he's losing both his mind as well as his soul and giving them to Jongin and Jongin only, as he tips his head to the side and deepens the kiss, shoving his tongue inside when Jongin willingly parts his lips. 

 

Those soft, delicious lips that slouch just perfectly against his, and Sehun sucks and bites at the lower one, pulling it gently in between his teeth. Jongin trembles under his hands, searching for more once Sehun pulls away for breath.

 

“I want to be selfish and ask you to stay. But I can't do this. Jongin, I don't know if I can live without you.” He whispers, pressing his forehead against Jongin, breathing from his air, feeding his senses with Jongin's scent.

 

Jongin's breath stutters, “You have to. Promise me.”

 

“I promise.”

 

They kiss again, and it's all sorts of hungry and messy, as though they're kissing to compensate all the time they've lost without not kissing each other. 

 

Jongin slides his hands from Sehun’s neck down his back, and snakes them under his shirt, resting them on Sehun’s hips, and his touch is like fire, burning every cell of Sehun's body.

 

“I can't- I don't want to let you go. Not now.” He says, breath coming out raggedly.

 

Strong hands urge Jongin's hips up and he finds himself springing up and spinning, hurling Jongin to sit on the edge of the table. He takes the opportunity to wind his legs around the back of Sehun’s legs and slide his hands down to roughly squeeze that tight, perfect ass.

 

It makes Sehun’s head swim, struggle to stay afloat in the lust flooding his system.

 

“Jongin,” He groans, “What do you want?”

 

“I want you to fuck me.” Jongin responds firmly, eyes intense on his.

 

Sehun raises a brow. “Right here?”

 

“Yes,”

 

The cans and cue sticks are hastily tossed aside and then they're back to the wet slide of lips, with Sehun pushing him to lie down on the soft surface. 

 

Sehun sighs when they break apart and looks at Jongin for a moment before he leans in to kiss him again, hard, eager and demanding, stealing Jongin's breath away.

 

“Are you sure about this?” He checks, just in case. Just to let it sink in. “Will we be the same after this?”

 

Jongin doesn't bother responding verbally, just fists his hands in Sehun's t-shirt and pulls him forward, closing the distance between them and capturing Sehun's lips with his own. Their shirts are hauled off and pants ripped off impatiently.

 

Sehun swallows at the sight of his lean musculature, more toned than he would have expected now that he gets to really look closely.

 

Naked under the stars, their intimacy visible to the sky, the night that felt cold and sad just a while ago is now all heat and happiness.

 

Jongin's touch is like fire, crawling across Sehun's skin and boiling his veins.

 

“Have you ever done this with a guy before?” Sehun blurts out, still trailing wet kisses over the column of Jongin's neck.

 

“Does it matter? I want to do it with you now.”

 

Sehun nips at his collarbones, grazing his teeth into the sweaty skin as a response.

 

All that matters is that they are together now. Though their first time will also be their last. And they need to get the best of it.

 

Sehun is back to Jongin's lips, licking into his mouth and he rolls his hips languishly, rubbing their cocks together. The hard edge of the table is rough against his thighs, but he couldn't care less with Jongin spread out underneath him.

 

That earns Jongin a gasp, making him break the kiss to toss his head back and pant. He counters by running greedy hands over  Sehun's chest, fingers skimming down over his ribs and further, still they rub lightly at pebbled nipples, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

 

“I have stuff, right behind the window.” Jongin tells him, a slow smile creeping up the corners of his mouth.

 

“Should I ask why? Of all places?”

 

He shrugs. “I like jerking off here.”

 

“Exhibitionist.”

 

It’s hard, but he manages to let go of Jongin and jog towards the window. He realizes the coldness is quickly threatening to engulf him, so he moves fast, digs for the stuff needed and carries them onto the table with him.

 

Sehun returns and climbs on the table, kneeling in the center right next to Jongin's head, who strains his neck to blink up at him, eyes darting to Sehun's cock erected right in front of his face. He gulps.  

 

“Come like this. I want to taste you.” He instructs, and Sehun is mildly surprised at Jongin's experiences, his sudden change of behavior for sex. He feels kind of jealous, but pushes it aside in order to comply.

 

He slips his thumb between Jongin's lips and his bottom row of teeth, prying his mouth open. Sehun looks into his eyes, which are dark and huge and wanting. “You want it?” Sehun asks, because even though he thinks he’s sure, it never hurts to check. So, of course that’s when Jongin lurches up and swallows down Sehun’s entire cock, making his spine jerk straight and a breathless groan rise up in his throat.

 

He scoots his knees closer to Jongin's face and he sighs, Jongin's head falling back onto the wood as Sehun’s leans over and a hand skirts over Jongin's stomach. He kisses Jongin on the middle of his chest once, before placing his knees at each side of his head, slotting into the familiar position of his cock hanging over Jongin’s face while he steadies his hands on Jongin’s hips and licks his lips, eyeing Jongin’s hardness.

 

Jongin cranes his neck to lick at the underside of Sehun’s cock and Sehun shudders. For all that Jongin loves this, being towered over and overwhelmed with his mouth full and his cock wet, Sehun might love it just as much. He grabs the base of Jongin’s cock and he’s about ready to suck him in deep, he can practically taste the precome when Jongin continues, in a tone that gives Sehun pause and he peeks down his own body to watch Jongin sucking the head of his cock.

 

“Fuck, Jongin. I can't-” He is incapable of stopping his hips from canting, fucking into Jongin's mouth

 

For a moment, he grows completely useless as he can't even do much, just resting his cheek on Jongin's thigh. He sneaks a hand down his torso and grabs Jongin's face to feel his jaw work while he sucks him.

 

Sehun ducks his head down and looks at Jongin in the space between their bellies. Simultaneously, Jongin pops the cock out of the wet heat of his mouth, and looks down at Sehun sheepishly before darting his eyes up to Sehun’s ass.

 

He sees Sehun clenching like it knows what’s coming.

 

“You look so beautiful like this.” Sehun says, rubbing his cock against Jongin's cheek. “How come you're so good at this?” Sehun feels a rush of affection as Jongin looks back down at him, spit dribbling down his chin.

 

Jongin chuckles, leaning into the wet touch on his face.

 

“I've thought about it a lot.”

 

“Thinking doesn't make you an expert.”

 

“Quiet.” Jongin grunts, biting his lip and settling his hands against the back of Sehun’s thighs. Sehun is caught off guard when Jongin 

hooks his arms around his thighs and pulls him down.

 

Sehun shifts his knees a little, then pushes himself up onto his knees and tries to angle himself right over Jongin’s face, trying to put a little distance not to smash his face.

 

Jongin’s hands grip his thighs tightly, his heels digging into the table like he’s so excited he can’t stop himself. Sehun glances down at Jongin over his back, and then Jongin licks his lips. He looks so outrageously happy that Sehun’s ass is centimeters away from smothering him that Sehun moans even before he's touched. 

 

“Oh my God,” Sehun’s stomach lurches when Jongin’s nose settles between his ass cheeks and pushes them apart. Jongin’s lips brush against the puckered skin around Sehun’s hole in a kiss and Sehun lets out a whine so high-pitched he barely recognizes it as coming from himself.

 

Then Jongin’s long, wet tongue swoops in a circle around the rim and Sehun feels like all the breath is knocked out of him. He grabs for Jongin’s hand, still digging into his thigh, and squeezes over it, until Jongin releases his vice grip on Sehun’s thigh and laces his fingers through Sehun’s.    
  
With their hands entwined, Sehun relaxes enough to begin to enjoy the overwhelming sensation pouring over him as Jongin licks his rim, nudging his tongue little by little into Sehun’s tight hole.

 

“Jesus, fuck. Nini.” Sehun babblers, gets his other hand around his own cock, just so that he feels less useless while Jongin’s mouth works over him, his lips sucking around Sehun’s rim while his tongue digs deeper.

 

Jongin’s little hums and eagerness to please make Sehun’s veins run with pleasure almost in spite of himself. His cock is hard under his hand and he figures with a few minutes of jerking himself off, he could even come like this.

 

Just then, Jongin’s tongue pokes a little deeper inside Sehun and he swears he sees stars.   
  
Fuck, Sehun thinks, fuck fuck, he realizes he’s speaking out loud, his balance shaken as he steadies himself against Jongin’s chest with both hands, “Jongin, fuck.” Jongin withdraws his head a fraction of an inch and Sehun moans, thrusting his ass back against Jongin’s face and adding, “Please.”

 

With Jongin’s tongue lapping over his rim in small, gentle licks that snatches more and more loud moans from him, his voice shakes as the pleasure shooting through his body moves from incredible to outrageous when Jongin moans with his tongue pressed right around Sehun’s walls.

 

Jongin doesn’t stop, fucking his tongue into Sehun even as he keeps whimpering quietly, his own untouched cock so hard that Sehun’s own twitches in sympathy, oversensitive but not flagging.

 

He bobs his head down and takes half of Jongin into his mouth at once. Jongin lets out a broken sob before Sehun pulls back and swirls his tongue around the head of Jongin’s cock.

 

He’s moaning loudly, rubbing his face back and forth between Sehun’s cheeks as he licks over Sehun’s stretched hole, and his moans go down an octave when Sehun runs his tongue over the sticky, leaking slit of his cock.

 

Sehun swallows the precome pooled at the tip of Jongin’s cock easily, running his tongue down his rock-hard shaft to collect what had dribbled down it. Jongin goes wild with it, his legs spreading and hips bucking out of control, like he’s begging for Sehun’s finger inside him, for anything, and Sehun gives him just that, slipping a dry finger to the first knuckle into Jongin's entrance, his body curling for better access.

 

Jongin’s fingers grip hard into Sehun’s ass cheeks, spreading them greedily so he can lap inside him further, going in and out, while Sehun suckles on the head of Jongin's cock, coaxing more and more precome out of it until Jongin’s mewling and gasping for breath.

 

Jongin’s head falls back against the table with a soft thud and a groan. Sehun swirls his tongue again and Jongin’s toes curl, but he keens and grapples at Sehun’s thighs. He sucks him down harder, lips wrapped so tightly around him that he can feel Jongin’s hammering pulse.

  
  


“Please, more.” Jongin begs, and Sehun doesn't even what for. So he keeps up what he's doing.

 

It's when Sehun unconsciously start to move his hips in circling motions, seeking for more, that it hits him. 

 

It shouldn't end so soon. It shouldn't be about only him. 

 

Enough of Sehun’s semblance of mind returns to let him climb off Jongin’s face, wary of overwhelming him. He leans down and presses a kiss to the tip of Jongin’s dick.

 

Jongin gasps and throws back his head, arching his back. “What is it? Are you okay?”

 

“I'm fine… I just- I want to go slow.” He explains, moving around until he's lying face to face with Jongin.

 

“We don't have much time.” Jongin murmurs, scrubbing a hand down his face to clean up the mess.

 

“I don't mind. I want to… to do this right with you.”

 

Jongin holds a breath, and for a second, Sehun catches fear swimming in his eyes again. 

 

“You're saying… You don't want to do this?”

 

“I do, I do. Let's just go at a slow pace, alright?” Sehun assures, pressing a gentle kiss to Jongin's lips.

 

“Now, show me how you like doing it.” He tosses the lube to Jongin then, propping himself up on his elbows and making himself comfortable for the show.

 

Jongin seems to hesitate at first, eyes drifting from Sehun to the lubricant in his hand, until he takes a breath and relaxes his muscles.

 

Then he pops the cap open and pours a generous amount into his hand.

 

He secures the cap, and plops it on the baize beside him. He spreads his thighs, tucking his legs back, and slides his slicked fingers down the length of his cock, up behind his balls, and finally circles them around his hole.

 

“Yeah, baby. Go slow. Put on a show for me.” Sehun doesn't know where his act is coming from, or even if he is making a fool of himself for speaking like this, but it seems to have some kind of effect over Jongin, who moans and brings a knee to his chest.

 

Enthralled, Sehun wants to put his mouth on Jongin, but contents himself with laying a palm on his thigh as he watches his slender fingers dip in and out of his body.  

 

He nudges Jongin with his hand, and his friend indulges him, splaying his legs wide.  Jongin has two fingers in past the second knuckle, which he twists inside himself and scissors open.  

 

“Do I look good, Sehunnie?”

 

“You look perfect. Beautiful.” Sehun replies happily, truthfully and Jongin smiles.

 

When he adds another slick finger between the first two and gently pries the ring of muscle apart, Sehun gasps aloud, squeezing the flesh of Jongin's thigh. Jongin writhes under his hand, working his fingers deeper, hooking them up inside as he reaches for his prostate with his right hand and strokes himself with his left. It’s clear that he has experience pleasuring himself this way and knows what he wants.

 

This was probably the only thing about Jongin that was unrevealed to Sehun. Now, he's here, about to fuck his best friend, and then there will be nothing about one another that will remain a secret between them.

 

“You look so hot.” Sehun purrs. “Can I?”

 

“Yeah, please.” Jongin extracts his fingers in a slow drag, and soon after Sehun replaces the gaping spot with his own fingers, three at one time, which Jongin accepts with a grateful moan that sends sparks shooting all the way down to Sehun’s toes.

 

“I need more.” Jongin requests as Sehun fucks his fingers in and out of him.

 

Sehun exhales slowly and kisses Jongin between the eyes. “What is it, baby?” He crooks his fingers, brushing them over that spot that makes Jongin preen. His face is all wet with sweat and his lips are swollen and red. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes his eyes and tilts his head up for Sehun to smooth a hand down his cheek.

 

“I want to ride you.”

 

Sehun feels the breath leave his lungs and color spread across the bridge of his nose to the tips of his ears with Jongin’s finished comment and he thinks he must have gone to heaven regardless. He can’t muster a response, just nods and resituates himself on the table as Jongin positions himself in his lap.

 

“Gonna make you feel good.” Jongin murmurs, snaking a hand behind Sehun’s neck and pulling him up for a kiss, his lips moving softly against Sehun’s own, their noses brushing together.

 

“Tell me. What’s on your mind?” Jongin quips, and laughs when Sehun nips at his jaw. He presses a soft kiss to Sehun’s lips then looks him in the eye, voice serious but soft when he says, 

 

“I love you.”

 

Jongin grins at him and dips his head to kiss him, the two of them exchanging sweet, lingering kisses, until Jongin moves on, trailing his lips across Sehun’s jaw, down his neck, on his shoulder and collarbone, pressing soft kisses to the bare skin of Sehun’s torso.   
  
Sehun breathes out a deep sigh, looking at Jongin in wonder, like he can’t believe what he’s experiencing, being on the receiving end of such gentle affection.

 

Sehun curls his fingers into the meat of Jongin's thighs to fight off the urge he has to flip them over and give Jongin everything he wants, to stake claim to Jongin’s skin in an anew possessive way he’s craving to do. He wants to listen to Jongin pant into the hard surface of the table, feel his fingers scratch hard at the emerald cloth, watch as Jongin unravels under the weight of Sehun’s mouth on his skin.

 

“I love you too. Always have.” Jongin sighs eventually, face pressed into the soft flesh of Jongin’s neck before he shifts his hips a bit to get comfortable. He can feel curious hands roam his body, starting with his freshly cut hair down to the flexing muscles of his biceps. It’s exploratory, hesitant in the way Jongin  manages to be, but commanding with the undercurrent of pride he has despite his anxieties that weighed heavy on his mind.

 

It’s Jongin who shifts, moving his hands to either side of Sehun's face to draw them back together. He settles for the distraction, fumbles a little so he can get out once again the small bottle of lube Sehun had picked and one foil wrapped condom before tossing them both to the side on the table. Sehun keeps him grounded, rooted in his place at a lying position with a gentle firmness to his grasp and a slow draw of his lips across Jongin’s.   
  


It's all an intimate process, one that he's pretty sure he can only share with Jongin, can only match with him so perfectly.

 

It's the drag of Jongin’s lips across his own, the way he opened himself up for the Sehun's self-indulgence. It’s how Jongin rocks his body forward, let their hardening cocks press hot together between their stomachs and ride out the waves of friction he can give them. It’s the fire under his flesh when he moves his lips from Jongin’s, lets them drag along the line of his jaw and down the curve of his neck. 

 

Sehun breathes out a sigh as Jongin mouths at his chest, lets his hands hold strong on his biceps to keep himself anchored. Sehun’s heart hammers underneath the surface of his skin, shaking against the cages inside his chest and begging for a release only Jongin  can give him. It’s a bone deep satisfaction, watching Jongin shift in his lap to thrust against his abdomen again for friction because he's cruel in the way he keeps his hands at his pelvis.

 

Jongin takes the opportunity to blindly grab for the foil packet, using his teeth to rip it open because his hands are trembling too much to hold it steady. Sehun angles his hips for Jongin, watches with heavy eyes as his friend, with shaking hands, puts the condom on him and lubes him up. They are always so in synch, perfectly timed in the movements of their bodies and natural rhythms they flow through in the day. 

 

“I'm going to sit on your cock, Hunnie. Will you help me?”

 

“Yes. I got you.” Sehun raps, holding firmly at Jongin's hips.

 

Nails scrape against his chest lightly, Jongin  forcing himself to breathe and relax as he slowly takes Sehun in. He doesn’t move, respecting the pace that Jongin sets when they’re in position. Instead, he keeps his lips moving with Jongin’s in the languid, comforting way.

 

It’s tight, but never unbearably slow, not enough to show if Jongin is too worked up for sex, just the perfect amount of resistance that makes both of their breaths quake. It’s hard for him not to lose himself in the feeling of Jongin, letting his instincts take over and drive into him like he wanted.

 

“Go slow, Jongin. Take your time.” Sehun guides, whispering against Jongin's lips as he sinks in inch by inch.

 

Jongin brakes from their kiss first, using his shaking hands to cup Sehun's face and return the kiss to his forehead kindly as he bottoms out. Needing a minute to adjust, just enough time to settle and let his body reacquaint itself with the intrusion, he gives an experimental roll of hips before he can pick himself up again.

 

“Are you okay? Too much?” Sehun's voice rings with caution, when he sees a hint of discomfort in Jongin's face.

 

“You're quite big, I'm-- I'm good, though.”

 

His point is emphasized as he pulls back up, only half way this time, before slowly rocking back down again. It has Sehun’s breath shaking, head falling back as Jongin makes a slow pace to start them out. It’s that pull with every roll of Jongin’s hips, the sweet heat that welcomes him back as he is pulls in again. Jongin occupies his hands with Sehun’s, all coupled and resting at his chest idly as they rock together.   
  


The sensual, languished roll of hips is sinful, but it suits Jongin in a way Sehun had never thought it would.

 

“Keep doing that,” He urges throatily, and Jongin does it sharper this time, moaning in response. 

 

There isn't any rush, no need to finish sooner rather than later. It’s intimate, dark and cool in the opened skies, the only noises occupying the space is that of the air panting softly and occasional moans, mixed with near silent whisper of each other's names as Jongin gradually picks up the pace. He never reaches the point that he bounces, not seeing the need to do so for the mood they settled on, but he moves and rolls his hips with a guided precision.

 

And Sehun can no longer turn away, ignore the radiating beauty that Jongin is, rocking and bouncing in his lap. They fit together, bodies made to fill the empty crevices they had with pleasure and love.

 

There's a slight shift, enough that Jongin  takes his hands from Sehun’s and braces himself on the other man’s chest, and with the increased speed of Jongin’s thrusts, Sehun  finds himself bracing Jongin on his lap by the hips, regardless.

 

“I'm close, Sehun. Touch me.” Jongin demands, or begs. Sehun can't be sure.

 

So he takes Jongin’s leaking cock in hand to pump him in time with their combined movements. Jongin turns desperate, rocking faster while he throws his head back as he angles Sehun’s cock to hit him where he finds the stars behind his eyes. 

 

Sehun keeps himself steady, eyes only focused on the twisted pleasure filled features Jongin’s face wears as he keeps driving them both to a peak.

 

“Come for me, baby. Come on, give it to me.” Sehun croaks, stroking harder and faster.   
  
Jongin spills onto Sehun’s stomach, one hand bracing him on Sehun's chest, the other hand tangled up in his hair as he rides out his orgasm. Sehun takes the initiative for his own release, hands steady on Jongin’s hips as he thrusts up for a minute longer before he finds his hips stuttering and breath failing him while he reaches completion.

 

“So good. So much better than I thought.” Jongin murmurs once they're pressed chest to chest, nuzzling into Sehun's neck.

 

Post-orgasm bliss has them riding high on the throes of love and sex, Sehun pulling out after two minutes to pull the condom off and throw it away. 

 

Anxiety soon starts resonating through him. Now that it's all over, it means that they should part.

 

He can’t help but smile seeing Jongin on his side, blissed out and eyes shut as he takes a moment of reprieve to rest his tired muscles.

 

“I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow and not getting to do more of this.” Jongin blurts out tiredly, shifting on top of Sehun. 

 

“This was… awesome.” He giggles. “We should have done this sooner.”

 

Laughing, he lifts his head to kiss Jongin again, migrating his hands to his arms, letting them wander up his shoulders and into his hair, messing it up slightly.

 

Jongin sighs against Sehun’s mouth and relaxes his body, nestling more comfortably on top of Sehun, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other. He pulls away and meets Sehun’s gaze, and when he leans in to kiss him, it’s a soft, tender kiss, lips locking together and staying pressed for a moment, like he can’t believe they’re together, safe and sound, that they’re kissing like this and there's no room for doubt about how they feel for each other now.

 

Unfortunately, it can't last more than that.

 

Jongin grabs Sehun's hand and brings it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles

“Will you wait for me?” He asks, voice strained. “Can You?”

 

Hesitantly, Sehun's voice seem to get lost  in his throat, and he can't find the words he so desperately needs to say. 

 

He'd wait for Jongin for a thousand years, albeit the unfairness he'd put the other through for preventing him from living his life to the fullest while he's away.

 

“Sorry. I'm asking too much. You should just… do whatever you want. Forget I said anything.” Jongin frowns, shifting slightly in an attempt to climb away from Sehun.

 

In instant reaction, Sehun stills him by the hips, boring his eyes into Jongin's. “I will,” He mutters. “Even if you don't, I will.”

 

Jongin's smile slowly takes over his whole face. “I'll be back for you. And I hope you can be here for me when the time comes.”

 

They seal a promise, beckoned by the stars under the glow of a full moon.

 

But deep down, something tells Sehun it will be broken.

  
  
  
  


In the very following day, Sehun walks to campus with a hazy mind, still lost in the fresh memories from the previous night. The marks over his neck and chest are still visible, the taste of Jongin’s lips still lingering in his own.

 

Jongin refused Sehun's offer to drive him to the airport, in the hopes of making things less painful for the two of them.

 

According to the clock, Jongin will be taking off in less than 30 minutes. 

 

So Sehun stares at his phone, debating with himself if he should send one last message. Never before he felt scared of sending a simple text, but now, his fingers are hovering the screen pathetically as he racks his brain for something casual and not too cringy to say.

 

When a message pops up on the screen, just right when Sehun is about to give up, he halts in his tracks, clutching his phone harder in his hands. 

 

_ ‘I already miss you’ _

 

Jongin's message says.

 

When he finally musters up the strength to respond, Sehun keeps his reply simple, but true.

 

_ “I miss you too.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


He sees Jongin everywhere he goes - in the things they both love - in nature, in music, in silly things.

 

Their friendship keeps going strong and truthful, though it's not the same as before. Jongin can't come over when Sehun wants to cuddle, he can't accompany Sehun to parties, or just to the grocery shop to buy junk food and spend the afternoon getting high and playing billiards.

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are still there. But they are not Jongin, who always keeps a close eye to Sehun, who understand him thoroughly just by a single glance, who constantly seeks for Sehun's attention and his presence.

 

Text messages and video chats are exchanged nearly every second of the day, even when they don't have what to talk about.

 

They keep the tradition of catching movies together, and they stream on Netflix whenever time allows. As well as playing online billiards.

 

So though Jongin's far, the feelings remain, beautiful and strong, making the pain all the worse, keeping it all so raw. 

 

Still, it's not the same.

 

As time flows, it gets difficult to match their schedules what with the large difference in time zones. Jongin gradually becomes too required for the dancing classes, and most days they don't get in touch with one another.

 

Despondently, Sehun tells himself this is a good thing. Jongin is getting recognition, making more connections. He's moving on. 

 

The ache of longing to be with him echoes through the very marrow of his bones. It's a chill wind trapped in the chambers of his heart, and he wonders. Has Jongin regretted what they did at the rooftop that night? On the pool table? 

 

No matter how hard he tries to remove the ache, it remains unchanged. Not bigger, not smaller, not louder and never quieter.

  
  
  
  
  


Jongin has him in stitches on every date.

  
  
  
  
  


“Damn, you look good.” Sehun compliments one night to Jongin, who's sitting behind the laptop screen.

 

These days, Sehun tends to refuse video chatting too often. Seeing Jongin's face and not touch it sometimes is worse then not seeing. He can't dodge it every time, though.

 

“Thanks.” Jongin offers one of his charming smiles, running  a hand through his hair. “I'm going out with some friends tonight.”

 

Sehun nods, sitting back on his chair. “Where to?”

 

“To a club?”

 

Sehun raises an eyebrow, skeptically. A wave of questions crashing his mind. Back home, Sehun always had to persuade Jongin into joining him at parties. Jongin has always been the type to stay in reading boring books and watching silly movies. But he guesses the water must taste different in America and it must have turned Jongin's introvert soul into a party animal or something.

 

“Are you even into this?” He questions, creasing his brow.

 

“Not really. But they are nice and I want to fit in. Besides, they're introducing me to this really cute girl.”

 

“Oh,” Sehun gapes, feeling a pinch in his heart. He knew this moment would come. “That's nice. You've never told me about her.”

 

He sees Jongin shifting nervously in his bed, his smile slowly closing off.

 

“Yeah, I didn't think she'd be interested. But apparently she is. And I'm kinda nervous.” He mumbles, fiddling with the blankets under his thighs.

 

“Come on. You won't even have to do much. Just smile and she'll be down on her knees.”

 

Sehun barks out a laugh, and it sounds so fake he fears Jongin might catch on. If he does, he doesn't show it.

 

“Shut up.” It's all he says, not looking to the camera.

 

“Anyway. Have fun. I'll go take a shower.” Sehun excuses himself amicably, and when he closes his laptop, he realizes his hands are shaking.

  
  
  
  
  


Later that night, when Sehun's mind is running of all possible scenarios of Jongin getting with some boring American girl, his Skype rings again. Sehun practically steps over his own feet on his way towards his desk.

 

“Hey, pretty.” Jongin giggles, cheeks rosy and hooded eyes. Sehun notices instantly. He's drunk. 

 

“Jongin, are you okay?” He leans closer to the screen. “You're drunk.”

 

“I missed you.” Jongin blurts out, then he hiccups. 

 

Sehun can't make out Jongin's surroundings. “Where are You? Are you alone?”

 

“I'm home.”

 

Sehun huffs out a relieved breath. 

 

“How did it go? With the girl? Any luck?” He ends up asking, even though he doesn't really want to know. 

 

“Fuck girls,” Jongin slurs, waving a hand at the air.  “Not like that, I mean… I don't give a fuck about girls. They are not you.”

 

Sehun lets out a gasp. His cheeks bloom into a full red and he avoids the topic, the memories.

 

“Jongin, I think you should go. You are probably not thinking straight.”

 

“None of them comes close to be you, Sehun. They don't have your smile, your body, your eyes. They don't smell like you. They don't know me like you do.” Jongin runs a finger across the screen, as though he's trying to touch Sehun through it.

 

Sehun shakes his head in vigour. “Okay, I'm hanging up.”

 

“I think about you every night, in bed. When I'm alone.” Jongin's voice is low, slurred. “I think about your body, your cock.”

 

Sehun freezes, Jongin's words assaulting all his senses. When he flits his eyes to the web camera again, he sees Jongin tipping his head back down, his arm moving in an obvious way down his body, invisible to the camera.

 

“Jongin stop.” Sehun huffs, feeling his own pants getting tighter. He can hear wet sounds from Jongin gently stroking himself.

 

“I can still hear you moaning my name.” Jongin says, biting his lips. “I can still feel you inside me. I can still feel your taste on my tongue.”

 

Sehun is hit with the memories of the all the filthy things they did that night. They've never mentioned anything about it after, but it stayed there, in their minds. In the way they would sometimes flirt with each other and insinuate repeating those acts.

 

“Please, Jongin. Don't do this.” Sehun repeats, pressing his thighs together.

 

“Why not. Don't say you don't feel the same. I know you touch yourself thinking about fucking me. Or me fucking you. I would love to do that.” Jongin groans all of a sudden, lips parting and back arching. He looks sinful.

 

However, as much as he enjoys this view, as much as he misses Jongin's touches and taste and body, especially when he couldn't get much of it, there's still a gnawing feeling in his stomach telling him this isn't supposed to be like this.

 

They shouldn't go through it when distance is so far between them. Angered, Sehun grips at the edge of the desk and pushes his chair back, rising to his full height.

 

“Fuck you, Jongin. I miss you. So much. But it's not just your body, it's not just about the sex. I love you, and I'm waiting for you. Do you know how hard this is?”

 

Jongin stares at him with his mouth hanging open. “Sehun…”

 

“I feel like i can't move on with my life because I'm just waiting while you are moving forward, and it hurts so much. Yet all you care about is your dick up my ass.”

 

He's shouting, and he knows he's being unreasonable, that his unresolved feelings and bitterness are getting the best of him, and yet he can't help it. He's furious, frustrated. While Jongin is going out to clubs and hooking up with girls. 

 

Jongin flexes his jaw, stabbing glares into Sehun when he speaks, slamming a fist to his desk.

 

“Don't blame me. You should have said something before. We could have stayed longer together if you hadn't kept it from me.”

 

Sehun chokes out a nervous laugh, feeling the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. 

 

“Now it's my fault? You never said anything either, dumbass.”

 

“You were all over adorable and small Lisa.” Jongin rolls his eyes, grimacing at the mention of the name. Sehun himself hasn't thought of Lisa in ages. Not like that, not after Jongin.

 

“You know what? Go find a dude to fuck you since that's all you're missing from me.” Sehun spits, balling his fists against his desk.

 

Jongin jabs. “I will!”

 

“Fine!”

 

The video is cut off, and Sehun screams angrily at the black screen. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


2 months later and they're not talking.

 

Jongin has become a silhouette, as if he walked from a photograph and left behind blackness. There is an ache that comes and goes, always returning in quiet moments.

 

Sehun wants so much to keep him close, to talk and laugh like they once did, although he knows that Jongin's absence is inevitable. Especially after that incident. Unmeasured words that cut too deep and weren't talked through. 

 

He’s aware it’s selfish of him to expect Jongin to wait for him, as well as he knows it would be stupid of himself to hold onto the idea.    

 

The thought that, maybe in a few years they can be together again, close, happy… Like they had promised, is what gives Sehun enough strength to come back to that same rooftop with the occasional fleeting memories

Sehun just can't seem to get rid of.

 

Baekhyun had suggested once, long distance relationship, but Sehun is just as stubborn as he is smart. He knows it would lead to an eventual heart break, for him being too clingy for a long distance relationship.

 

In the end, Jongin's is not here. Neither as a lover nor as a friend.

 

The passage of time will have to just dull things, allow the brain to redirect, reinvest energy elsewhere. In tough times, Sehun knows that he'll still love Jongin, that he'd come running if he ever needs, but for now their paths diverge and every step is heavy.

 

Standing in front of the pool table, he sighs,

brushes his palm over the green felt top. As he does, there's a spark in his eyes, and he starts to snicker.

 

That table gave him what he craved the most, but sometimes he thinks it would have been better if none of that had happened.

 

Then his heart scoffs at him, and tells him otherwise. He'd have gone all the way with Jongin again if he could go back in time, no doubt about that.

 

With his head resting against the cool, hard edge of the pool table as he sits on the floor, Sehun stares at his phone. Just like he does every single time he climbs to the rooftop.

 

_ I'm sorry _

_ I love you  _

 

He types to Jongin, but just like all the other times, he doesn't send it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


3 years later and the family that was living in Mrs Kim’s rented apartment just moved out a few weeks ago. Sehun kept his copy of the key and as soon as he heard the news of the apartment being vacant, he goes back to the rooftop. The pool table is still there, still well secured to the floor, albeit the lack of use.

 

Jongin earned yet an extra year for an internship, and he’s now an administrator for a popular YouTube dancing channel. With millions of followers. It's no surprise how loved and admired he is, receiving praises from professional dancers and artist from around the world.

 

Sehun is one of those fans, although he never reveals himself. He's proud of Jongin. If they had gotten together, Jongin probably wouldn't be where he is today. So Sehun keeps himself  close as a follower, watching as Jongin dances with his female partner for a good share of his videos.

 

People adore them together, and Sehun can see the appeal. They look hot and powerful together, and the chemistry is very perceptible.

 

Jongin doesn't visit for vacation or holidays. Time never allowing him. And as the allotted time for his return draws nearer, time itself seems to slow to such a leisurely pace it seems cruel, ringing out the seconds, so that final week feels like a month.

 

It is a torment Sehun was unprepared for, but endured silently for the sake of having Jongin back in the end.

 

Silently, Sehun waits, leaning against the table with the cue stick in hand, in need of a partner to play. He hasn't found one, not one like Jongin. He doesn't think he will ever find one.

 

“Sehun.”

 

He hears the familiar voice call, and he turns with a fond smile gracing his lips.

 

“You're late.”

 

“Sorry. I was stuck in traffic.” Jongin explains as he wanders close to Sehun by the table, dumping his bags by the floor.

 

They kiss. Nothing too rushed or indecent, just a passionate press of lips as they both smile into each other's mouths.

 

The message Sehun hesitated for so long to send, finally reached its destination one certain day, when his shaky fingers accidentally pressed the send button. The response came through almost immediately, with Jongin saying he loved him too, more than anything else in the world.

 

They will choose each other until there is no more of their mind or body, whichever comes first.

 

The promise to meet each other in the future was made as well, regardless of how long they would spend apart. And here they are, keeping their words, with nothing in between them.

 

“I missed you.” Sehun murmurs, still wrapped around Jongin's frame as though he might leave again.

 

“Me too. I'm glad you waited for me.”

 

“I’d wait a thousand years.”

 

They remain in that embrace for a little longer, until Sehun pulls away and plants a kiss on the other's forehead.

 

He smiles heartily at him. “Wanna play?”

 

“Can't wait to kick your ass.” Jongin teases, receiving the cue stick Sehun hands him. 

 

“You wish,” Sehun retorts, racking the triangle of multi colored balls as he eyes Jongin from across the table.

 

Sehun wins easily this time, and he demands kisses from Jongin as a reward. 

 

Jongin is more than glad to concede.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [X](https://twitter.com/_sehuning_)


End file.
